12.29.2009

While You're Waiting for 2010


I’ve been hearing, “I’m so glad 2009 is going to be over” from countless individuals, both friends and strangers.  I agree, this was not the best year ever but when that clock ticks over to a new decade how much will everything really change?  Psychologically, we associate a new year with a new beginning when in actuality, we’re carrying over what we learned from the present year into the future.  If 2009 just didn’t go your way or you want to forget about it completely, take time to understand where you went wrong and how you can make it right.  Then, you can begin to take steps for using the clean slate of 2010 to your advantage.

12.28.2009

Get in Gear for the New Year

Once we get over the hurdles of Christmas, the focus moves into New Year’s celebrations.  New Year’s is not an excuse to drink excessively and kiss a bunch of random strangers when the clock tolls Midnight.  It’s a lovely day to reflect on the previous year and toast how you'll carry success forward into the new year. 

This coming year, we’re fortunate to not only be ending a year but also ending decade.   I was incorrect earlier when I said 2010 was the beginning of a new decade.  

12.21.2009

It's Christmas Week: Do You Know Where Your Self Is?


Ah, Christmas week.  The final week of long lines, frantic gift-buying, wrapping, menu planning and detail-making.  Look in the mirror and “knock-knock” on the glass.  Who is there?  Is it the person you want to see?  If not, it may be time for a little change.  If it is the person you want to see, congratulate yourself for successfully managing your self during a time that turns some people into something other than their true self.

Experience Keeping the Merry in Marriage Part One: During the holidays

The holidays are always a stressful time for many couples, whether you’re married or not.  It starts with “where do we go first?” or “which family do we visit this year?”  It’s a monetary and physical strain when you find yourself packing up into a car or plane to your destination.  Gifts wrapped and sent?  Check.  Packed clothing for the colder/warmer weather?  Check.  Pet sitter?  Check.  Holiday cards sent?  Check.  House secure and neighbors notified?  Check.  Thermostat?  Timers?  Alarm?  Old food discarded?  Check, check, check, check.  There’s a lot of stress in leaving for the holidays before you even go anywhere!

You find yourself fighting crowds while trying to relax so you can prepare to spend the holidays busy with family.  You’re also trying to rest up and recharge in order to return to work refreshed and avoid getting the seasonal cold or worse, a flu.  How can this all be possible?  I think about the many times my family would see me and my mom would say, “You (or your husband) look so tired.”  Of course we did!  We just drove 14 hours to get  here, or got up at 4:00 a.m. to be at the airport and we’ve been working like mad just one day before getting here.  So, we started to look at the amount of “stress induced” versus the “stress reduced”.

This is why my husband and I stopped traveling for holidays.  We found it was draining the same energy we were trying to recharge while away from work.  We love our families but after the total cost, even when frequent flier miles could be used, the stress of taking care of all of the details, in addition to having to rush home to get set for work again was far more draining than satisfying.  

We have never been believers in using one day of the year to celebrate anything, be it a birthday, an anniversary, or a holi-day.  It just doesn’t make financial sense for us to pay to add an extra layer of stress into our lives.  We agreed to discontinue on a path that wasn’t making us feel satisfied, when it was supposed to.  We’ve come to spend most of the major holidays with friends and try not to travel for more than one holiday or occasion per year.   Just yesterday, we debating driving 33 hours or so to family for Christmas.  Using the rule of “stress induced” versus “stress reduced” made us realize staying home this year is just fine.  

Many people are rushing around during the holidays but if you’re finding less than satisfactory fulfillment in your life during this time, take some time to think about why.

12.17.2009

nudge knowledge-know your portion

I chatted with a friend earlier today about the need for educating the public on portion control in order to fight obesity in this country.  Since I was in need of a snack, I decided to share with you what one serving size of nuts looks like.  This is 1 oz of pecans, per the recommended serving size on the package, purchased at Wal-Mart, not some health food store.  Yes, it does eliminate hunger pangs, especially if you're drinking an appropriate amount of water.


12.14.2009

Managing Your But Before it Gets Too Big

This is not a post on the derrière!  This is regarding a timeless issue I hear often, and heard again this morning by the woman filing my business license.  “My daughter really wants to be a cop but I don’t want her to be.  She has such a great business sense, she should do that instead.”  She went on to talk about how her daughter, who is currently in high school, has raised over $6,000 for herself just by making and selling items out of her trunk.  She makes salsa and cookies to sell, while also selling soda and chips to her classmates since they’re no longer available in school.  I haven’t met her daughter and I probably never will, but I wonder if this teen is feeling that her hobbies cannot be her career.  This is a common feeling most of us have or will experience throughout our life.  “Well, I just love to bake, cook,    give piano lessons, travel, write, etc...” but  “I have to make a living, I have a family to support, I'm too old, no one will buy my work, etc."

Think about the things you long to do and write them down under a heading we’ll just call “dreams” for now.  Then, for each item, write “but” down next to it and then list what is prohibiting you.  You should be able to count the number of dreams relative to the number of buts.

Is your but bigger than your dreams?  It shouldn't be.





Technorati post:  TUQ83TEUMB9D












How to Keep a Burnt Dish from Ruining Life


We are taught many skills for dealing with what happens throughout our childhood but we are truly left to fend for ourselves to deal with what happens as adults.  We can modify some of the life lessons we learned in our youth, such as “looking both ways before crossing” as a metaphor for weighing the pros and cons in our life.  Unfortunately, we’re never taught how to deal with anything in our life that has negative effects after we cross the street.  

We learn there is no best way to deal with consequences but to trudge through them, pretend they never happened, face them head on, allow them to rule our life, pray for help or some other mechanism for dealing with them as they occur.  I have always readily expressed my emotions, both positive and negative and often see others struggle to do the same.  Is it that I’m better equipped with tools from my childhood that I’ve been able to translate as an adult?  Maybe.  What I think it could be, as it is for many people, is a fear of facing the fear that manifests these emotions.  When we don’t deal with with them, they burn into our being and they’re hard to remove, like a burnt part of a dish.  

My husband and I cook dinner almost every day.  We’re both readjusting to cooking again on an electric stove and sometimes, a dish will get a little burnt or not cook through enough. The best way to treat these experiences, we’ve learned, is to just admit “this really just sucks,” laugh about it, and readjust how we cook each meal.   

Anger is a great example of a burnt dish.  It is easier to be mad at someone and to be SO mad, you cut them out of your life.  You get mad every time you think about them and that anger just makes you mad!  Think about this.  Are you really coping with the anger you originally had towards this person or are you just covering it up and hopes it just all goes away?  It’s a lot like burning a dish in the oven and then putting a lot of gravy on top to cover it up before your serve it.  Covering a problem or feeling does not make it go away.  You only temporarily forget those burnt pieces until you either taste them or make that dish again, while reminded of how bad you burned it the last time.

One suggestion for how to deal with a burnt dish in your life is to toss the dish out.  Yes, if you’re angry with someone just face the fact you’re angry, state why you’re angry and move on to remake that dish or find something completely new to make instead.  Don’t force people to eat your mistakes and don’t be upset when people don’t want to eat them.   

12.11.2009

A Life Crisis is Ageless

 While lying in bed this morning, I started to think about the definition of a mid-life or a quarter-life crisis.  A mid-life crisis is a termed coined back in 1965 to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt in the middle years of life (30-60), as a result of sensing passing youth and the imminence of old age.   So yes, the 40 year-old has gotten a bum rap.   The quarter-life crisis is a newer term, coined in 2001 and basically is the emotional unsettling or insecurity associated with being the real world in the years coming out of college.  I then began to wonder if there shouldn't be a three-quarter life crisis, too just to complete the math!  After thinking about it a bit more, I realized these terms are irrelevant.  A life crisis is ageless because the feelings associated with them don't change just because you're 26 or 56.  Putting an age range to a crisis only helps justify it's existence and if we don't have a crisis in the given timeframes, something must be wrong with us.   This is absolutely untrue.
Feelings during a crisis may include:
  • Loss of closeness with high school or college friends and a re-evaluation of those relationships
  • Sadness or loneliness due to lack of friendships and long-term romantic relationships 
  • Insecurities or disappointments about one's career choice and options
  • Fearing mortality of self, family and friends
  • Uncertainty about one's own future 
  • Insecurity loving thyself and ultimately, others
  • Desire to have children
  • Stress due to loss of job, school loans, medical bills or other financial burdens
  • Isolation due to difficulty connecting in social situations
A life crisis is ageless, normal and something that can and should be worked through.  Depression, alcohol or drug abuse, and suicide are just some of the results when a crisis isn't properly handled.  No one has to accept a personal crisis "as is".   People naturally do not like to talk about their crisis because it makes them feel vulnerable, scared and possibly even ashamed.  I provide a safe space to talk about your crisis, without judgement and with empathy.  When a crisis is properly handled, your next crisis won't feel impossible to deal with.  Yes, we all have crises in our lives and we all can deal with them in a healthy manner.

12.10.2009

Relationship Recovery

The end of a romantic relationship is rarely an enjoyable experience, even if the relationship caused pain.   This is because so much changes in our day-to-day lives afterwards, it's hard to not get caught up in thoughts of our previous loved one.  Everyday reminders such as a song on the radio, a restaurant, a photo or an outfit in our closet keeps pulling our heart strings into memory land and can really throw us for a loop if we don't know how to react.  I like to think of relationship recovery as "restocking your relationship bank" with the assets gained because of the relationship experience, assets lost because of the relationship and what you banked after the relationship ended.

Several clients of mine recently ended romantic relationships yet they're experiencing difficulty getting over them.  Even when they say they're ready to move on, I receive an SOS text, e-mail or phone call about how much they miss their former love.  It is not successful coaching to just provide advice but I do like to offer an exercise that takes into account what is gained or lost by being in the relationship versus being out of it.  A few of my clients have come to realize they're better off without that person in their life and that it is okay to get a little sentimental and miss someone.

Do not ignore your feelings.  Be with them.  If you need to cry, do so.  If you need to shout, do so.  Do not text, e-mail, call or run back into someone's arms when you're feeling emotionally charged.  If you're finding that you're unable to move forward in new relationships because this "one" is holding you back, this is something we can work on overcoming together through coaching.  It is possible to move on!

12.08.2009

Set a Successful Resolution Before the New Year


I have never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. I guess this is because most people don't keep them and I like to see people progress. In fact, 80% of resolutions aren't even followed by January 31st. "What prohibits people like me from maintaining a resolution?" you may ask. It could be a few things such as:

Your resolution is not specific. "I'm going to work out more" is not a specific goal if you're desiring to be in shape for spring break, yet you only going to start hitting the gym January 4th and spring break vacation is in March. Breaking down this resolution into a few easy steps can really keep you on track. For example: "I'm going to go to the gym at least four days a week and drink protein shakes instead of weeknight beers to get in shape for my spring break trip" is a more specific goal to set for yourself.

You're resolution isn't attainable and you know it. "I'm going to work out more" isn't attainable if you don't have a gym membership or know you're going to be working long hours the next few months, which will prohibit you from working out. You're blocking yourself from success because as you know, we're our own worst enemy. Discovering ways you can work out more regardless of your situation and uncovering your motivations for why you want to work out more can help you achieve your resolution.

Making sure your resolution is on a timeline, that your resolution can be monitored and is focused on an outcome are other keys to a successful resolution.

Nudge coaching can help you set and achieve your resolutions (and more!) throughout 2010.
 
Blog Directory