Thinking You Know What You Want Vs. Really Knowing What You Want

The French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said, "We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact."  


What I find in working with clients is that they think they already know exactly what they want and sometimes, this creates a little skepticism within my client on exactly how I'm going to be able to help them.  For example, as we discuss what it is they want from a relationship versus what they had or have in a relationship, we really begin to see what it is they truly want and what they need to get it.  I tend to notice this before my clients.  This is because I'm coming from an objective perspective, with no motive except to help my client find what it is they want.  I do not tell them, "Hey, do you know you just said what you want?" because in most cases, they're not finished working through what is happening to them right now.  They still need to talk about their pain, frustrations, or transgressions in order to see what they really want.  I don't want to interrupt that exploration process for my clients and this is a huge difference between what I do and what a therapist, consultant or other coaches may do.  I exhibit patience that allows you the freedom to speak and be heard and help you come to substantiated conclusions.

Relationship Recovery

The end of a romantic relationship is rarely an enjoyable experience, even if the relationship caused pain.   This is because so much changes in our day-to-day lives afterwards, it's hard to not get caught up in thoughts of our previous loved one.  Everyday reminders such as a song on the radio, a restaurant, a photo or an outfit in our closet keeps pulling our heart strings into memory land and can really throw us for a loop if we don't know how to react.  I like to think of relationship recovery as "restocking your relationship bank" with the assets gained because of the relationship experience, assets lost because of the relationship and what you banked after the relationship ended.

Several clients of mine recently ended romantic relationships yet they're experiencing difficulty getting over them.  Even when they say they're ready to move on, I receive an SOS text, e-mail or phone call about how much they miss their former love.  It is not successful coaching to just provide advice but I do like to offer an exercise that takes into account what is gained or lost by being in the relationship versus being out of it.  A few of my clients have come to realize they're better off without that person in their life and that it is okay to get a little sentimental and miss someone.

Do not ignore your feelings.  Be with them.  If you need to cry, do so.  If you need to shout, do so.  Do not text, e-mail, call or run back into someone's arms when you're feeling emotionally charged.  If you're finding that you're unable to move forward in new relationships because this "one" is holding you back, this is something we can work on overcoming together through coaching.  It is possible to move on!