How Environment Changes Beliefs

I was thinking back to a relationship I had once, where my boyfriend would constantly point out other people around us and make some type of disparaging comment about them.  At first, I was appalled and ignored what he was saying.  Then I began questioning him as to why he would make such assumptions about someone just based on looking at them.  He didn’t know their story, just like they didn’t know his.  He was often judged and misperceived based on how he looked.  He dressed in a way that didn’t present an immediate positive impression and I wonder if that was because he himself didn’t feel comfortable with what people thought about him, so he played this game with strangers to boost his own confidence.  

As our relationship developed and became serious, I found myself playing along with his game, even though I didn’t agree with it.  The debating and fighting over the principle took a back seat to having a relationship with a guy who was otherwise kind, loving and appreciative of me.  It felt like a small sacrifice until the time came for me to decide whether or not we could be married.  I opted against a lifelong relationship with him and this belittling behavior was a huge basis for my decision.  I could not change this about him and I also wasn’t going to tolerate it for the rest of my life.  His environment of negativity and low self worth was influencing my perception of others and ultimately me, and I was no longer willing to tolerate the toxicity.  

Pay attention to your relationships, both personally and professionally.  Think about whether they force you to fight your beliefs and try to diminish your sense of worth.  It is the people who fight your fundamental beliefs who have an issue with themselves and try to blame you as a result.  

Remember who you are, your strengths, your beliefs and never let your environment change who you are. 

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”
— Robert F. Bennett 

Manifest and Maintain Confidence

This morning, I did a really great yoga session which focused on building the third chakra.  This is associated with building fire and confidence within.  For those who are unfamiliar with chakras, this particular one is centered around the stomach so there were a lot of abdominal exercises involved in addition to some fun balancing poses.  To say I was sweating would be an understatement.  I was drenched.  Within this particular class, what I found interesting is the ability to overcome any fear or obstacle through focus, perseverance and confidence.  

As I drank much needed water afterwards I started to ponder, if we control building our confidence why do we let others interfere and tear it down?

Confidence is a much discussed but not widely taught fundamental to living happily.  I remember a few self-esteem discussions in health class but it centered around eating disorders for us girls.  I didn’t have an eating disorder so therefore, didn’t think I had a confidence issue.  However, a study that Dove conducted back in 2004, I think it was claimed only 2% of women considered themselves beautiful, which is ultimately a result of lack of confidence.  I have to say that I am fortunate to feel I'm in that 2%. Let’s face it, women tend to be competitive with each other and it’s something I never understood or participated in.  I’ve been a keen observer of it and have watched women sabotage other women for their own personal confidence boost.   But I've seen men and women alike sabotage others for personal gain.  So, how do you cultivate confidence within yourself?

There are healthy ways to cultivate confidence without having to inflict hurt or damage onto another person.  Some people master a skill, create a side business or pursue a hobby with vigor.  Yoga is my way of maintaining confidence within myself.  I really take pride in what I achieve in yoga.  Because it’s not competitive, I don’t care what others do and no one can disarm me of my confidence.  In fact, others can only boost it.  Wouldn’t it be great if life were this way, too?  Life can be just like yoga.  Here’s how...

If you have confidence within yourself to partake in your life in the way that best suits you, you will be doing what you love, will not feel threatened by others and will embrace what everyone has to offer within your life.  It will be a truly supportive, happy and fulfilling endeavor just like yoga.   However,  when we lack confidence we aren’t happy, we start to lash out against people, find ways to separate “me from you” and isolate people in our lives to the point that it may make others feel inferior.  In yoga and in life our lack of confidence prohibits us from trying what we long to do and we stop ourselves before trying.   I’ve been able to work around both confident and sabotaging people and can conclude that your confidence is the only thing which will keep you happy, so be careful not to let others strip that from you.  When they try, you can think about what may be causing them to tear you down.  More importantly, celebrate your ability to overcome these outside influences and forces.  Just as in yoga, how you position yourself in life is a result of your efforts.