Manifest and Maintain Confidence

This morning, I did a really great yoga session which focused on building the third chakra.  This is associated with building fire and confidence within.  For those who are unfamiliar with chakras, this particular one is centered around the stomach so there were a lot of abdominal exercises involved in addition to some fun balancing poses.  To say I was sweating would be an understatement.  I was drenched.  Within this particular class, what I found interesting is the ability to overcome any fear or obstacle through focus, perseverance and confidence.  

As I drank much needed water afterwards I started to ponder, if we control building our confidence why do we let others interfere and tear it down?

Confidence is a much discussed but not widely taught fundamental to living happily.  I remember a few self-esteem discussions in health class but it centered around eating disorders for us girls.  I didn’t have an eating disorder so therefore, didn’t think I had a confidence issue.  However, a study that Dove conducted back in 2004, I think it was claimed only 2% of women considered themselves beautiful, which is ultimately a result of lack of confidence.  I have to say that I am fortunate to feel I'm in that 2%. Let’s face it, women tend to be competitive with each other and it’s something I never understood or participated in.  I’ve been a keen observer of it and have watched women sabotage other women for their own personal confidence boost.   But I've seen men and women alike sabotage others for personal gain.  So, how do you cultivate confidence within yourself?

There are healthy ways to cultivate confidence without having to inflict hurt or damage onto another person.  Some people master a skill, create a side business or pursue a hobby with vigor.  Yoga is my way of maintaining confidence within myself.  I really take pride in what I achieve in yoga.  Because it’s not competitive, I don’t care what others do and no one can disarm me of my confidence.  In fact, others can only boost it.  Wouldn’t it be great if life were this way, too?  Life can be just like yoga.  Here’s how...

If you have confidence within yourself to partake in your life in the way that best suits you, you will be doing what you love, will not feel threatened by others and will embrace what everyone has to offer within your life.  It will be a truly supportive, happy and fulfilling endeavor just like yoga.   However,  when we lack confidence we aren’t happy, we start to lash out against people, find ways to separate “me from you” and isolate people in our lives to the point that it may make others feel inferior.  In yoga and in life our lack of confidence prohibits us from trying what we long to do and we stop ourselves before trying.   I’ve been able to work around both confident and sabotaging people and can conclude that your confidence is the only thing which will keep you happy, so be careful not to let others strip that from you.  When they try, you can think about what may be causing them to tear you down.  More importantly, celebrate your ability to overcome these outside influences and forces.  Just as in yoga, how you position yourself in life is a result of your efforts.   

Up for Debate: Is Porn a Virtual Partner?

I was reading an article published in the UK about how the ease of access to porn is creating low sex relationships.  It mentioned a 40% increase in men who don’t want to have sex with their partners with Internet porn cited as one of the reasons men don’t feel as physically frisky as they used to.  I’m assuming the others are high stress and joblessness.

One time not too long ago, porn was something you had to go out and buy a ticket to see a show, purchase a physical copy of, be it a magazine or video.  It was something secretive, something for men, something you looked at or watched and certainly not something you interacted with because it couldn’t talk back to you.  A collection can now be stored online and out of site and available anywhere you carry a computer or PDA.  It can be ordered in hotel rooms, on phone lines and via iTunes whenever a partner isn’t around.  It can talk back and interact on the computer screen.  

So, for someone who spends a lot of time alone does porn fill the void of a physical partner?  How does porn usage change with the presence of a partner?  How does a couple decide how much is too much?  Can porn coexist in a relationship in a manner that is healthy and beneficial to both partners?  

I have my opinions on the subject as it relates to me and my clients.  I think porn can be healthy and an additive to a relationship.   When it is the only sexual outlet or the only means to sexual satisfaction it can be problematic.  A couple has to decide together what the boundaries and limits are to porn usage within the relationship.  This means they have to be open to discussing what is an embarrassing topic for many, especially men since they tend to be the more frequent users of porn.