A Life Crisis is Ageless

 While lying in bed this morning, I started to think about the definition of a mid-life or a quarter-life crisis.  A mid-life crisis is a termed coined back in 1965 to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt in the middle years of life (30-60), as a result of sensing passing youth and the imminence of old age.   So yes, the 40 year-old has gotten a bum rap.   The quarter-life crisis is a newer term, coined in 2001 and basically is the emotional unsettling or insecurity associated with being the real world in the years coming out of college.  I then began to wonder if there shouldn't be a three-quarter life crisis, too just to complete the math!  After thinking about it a bit more, I realized these terms are irrelevant.  A life crisis is ageless because the feelings associated with them don't change just because you're 26 or 56.  Putting an age range to a crisis only helps justify it's existence and if we don't have a crisis in the given timeframes, something must be wrong with us.   This is absolutely untrue.

Feelings during a crisis may include:

• Loss of closeness with high school or college friends and a re-evaluation of those relationships
• Sadness or loneliness due to lack of friendships and long-term romantic relationships 
• Insecurities or disappointments about one's career choice and options
• Fearing mortality of self, family and friends
• Uncertainty about one's own future 
• Insecurity loving thyself and ultimately, others
• Desire to have children
• Stress due to loss of job, school loans, medical bills or other financial burdens
• Isolation due to difficulty connecting in social situations

A life crisis is ageless, normal and something that can and should be worked through.  Depression, alcohol or drug abuse, and suicide are just some of the results when a crisis isn't properly handled.  No one has to accept a personal crisis "as is".   People naturally do not like to talk about their crisis because it makes them feel vulnerable, scared and possibly even ashamed.  I provide a safe space to talk about your crisis, without judgement and with empathy.  When a crisis is properly handled, your next crisis won't feel impossible to deal with.  Yes, we all have crises in our lives and we all can deal with them in a healthy manner.

Relationship Recovery

The end of a romantic relationship is rarely an enjoyable experience, even if the relationship caused pain.   This is because so much changes in our day-to-day lives afterwards, it's hard to not get caught up in thoughts of our previous loved one.  Everyday reminders such as a song on the radio, a restaurant, a photo or an outfit in our closet keeps pulling our heart strings into memory land and can really throw us for a loop if we don't know how to react.  I like to think of relationship recovery as "restocking your relationship bank" with the assets gained because of the relationship experience, assets lost because of the relationship and what you banked after the relationship ended.

Several clients of mine recently ended romantic relationships yet they're experiencing difficulty getting over them.  Even when they say they're ready to move on, I receive an SOS text, e-mail or phone call about how much they miss their former love.  It is not successful coaching to just provide advice but I do like to offer an exercise that takes into account what is gained or lost by being in the relationship versus being out of it.  A few of my clients have come to realize they're better off without that person in their life and that it is okay to get a little sentimental and miss someone.

Do not ignore your feelings.  Be with them.  If you need to cry, do so.  If you need to shout, do so.  Do not text, e-mail, call or run back into someone's arms when you're feeling emotionally charged.  If you're finding that you're unable to move forward in new relationships because this "one" is holding you back, this is something we can work on overcoming together through coaching.  It is possible to move on!

Set a Successful Resolution Before the New Year

I have never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. I guess this is because most people don't keep them and I like to see people progress. In fact, 80% of resolutions aren't even followed by January 31st. "What prohibits people like me from maintaining a resolution?" you may ask. It could be a few things such as:

Your resolution is not specific. "I'm going to work out more" is not a specific goal if you're desiring to be in shape for spring break, yet you only going to start hitting the gym January 4th and spring break vacation is in March. Breaking down this resolution into a few easy steps can really keep you on track. For example: "I'm going to go to the gym at least four days a week and drink protein shakes instead of weeknight beers to get in shape for my spring break trip" is a more specific goal to set for yourself.

You're resolution isn't attainable and you know it. "I'm going to work out more" isn't attainable if you don't have a gym membership or know you're going to be working long hours the next few months, which will prohibit you from working out. You're blocking yourself from success because as you know, we're our own worst enemy. Discovering ways you can work out more regardless of your situation and uncovering your motivations for why you want to work out more can help you achieve your resolution.

Making sure your resolution is on a timeline, that your resolution can be monitored and is focused on an outcome are other keys to a successful resolution.

Nudge coaching can help you set and achieve your resolutions (and more!) throughout 2010.