Life Goal Planning: Step one is to identify.

In response to a request to cover this topic, I want to offer up some initial thoughts on how to create life goals. I’ll offer suggestions up in pieces so that it is easy to do and hopefully will help plan accordingly.

So, what is a life goal?  That is the first question to answer.  For some, that is a career goal. For others, it can mean financial freedom or success, which also vary by person.  For others it can be a fitness goal or to have a romantic relationship by a specific point in time.  Think about what it is you mean when you say life goal.  It could mean all of these things and more!

Once you have identified your goal, it’s time to really think about what it is you specifically want to achieve.  So, if you say, “I want to eliminate debt,” that can mean different things to different people. For one person, it could be paying off a student loan while for another, it could be paying off any debt including mortgage, car payments, credit cards, etc.  Be very specific about what it is you want to achieve and ideally identify the timeframe you would like to achieve it by.

You’re off into the first step in planning your goal!

Do Not Drive With a Faulty Personal Gas Pedal

I receive AP breaking news straight to my phone, which is a convenient way for me to obtain breaking news while I work.  I’m sure you’re all familiar with the “sticky gas pedals” in Toyotas which resulted in over million cars being recalled.  I was making the bed when I received an alert saying,  “Transportation secretary is advising people stop driving their cars and seek repair.”  If I knew my gas pedal could get stuck, I would be afraid TO drive it, not act like nothing is wrong.

Certainly, some people have no other car to get to and from work, to take their kids to school, etc.  I get that.  But driving your car on a daily basis when a repair is needed is a huge risk.  It’s also similar to how people handle problems, or their personal gas pedal in their life.  Too many other things get in the way of tackling their problem, which leaves them with a pile of stuff on top of the problem instead of fixing it.

It got me to thinking about people, behavior and their thought process for living.

I may be talking to someone and when I begin to tell them what I do, they’re captivated and interested.   Sometimes they even say, “I could TOTALLY use your help.”  These are people who know their personal gas pedal sticks.  Sometimes, these people follow up, call me and we begin to work together.  They’re getting their gas pedal repaired.  Others never call.  They are the people who are driving around through their lives with a sticky personal gas pedal, know this but yet aren’t quite sure now is the time to fix it.  The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to get.  Now, your life is not like the real car, where you run the risk of killing someone because your car crashes into someone or something.  Essentially, you are waiting for issues to fix themselves on their own when you know they haven’t been magically fixed in the past.  You’ll find the same things happening to you, you’ll start to believe that’s just how things are and you’ll be further from positive change and happiness in your life.

nudge Knowledge: Take a Little Life Lesson from Nature

I spend one week on myself each month.  I invite in who I want and do what I want with my time.  Sometimes I spend a day working, sometimes I spend it reading and sometimes I spend it rejuvenating my health.  Yesterday was a combination of all three.  I slept in late, worked, read and decided to take a hike.  I decided to hit “The Museum Trail” for those who live in or visit the Coachella Valley, because it starts at the Palm Springs Art Museum.  It has a very quick 850’ elevation gain which will really kick your butt when it’s sunny and warm out.  Yesterday was rather cloudy, so I thought I’d spend my “lunch hour” on a hike.  Now I know you’re not supposed to hike by yourself but this trail has become a pretty common fitness trail for runners and hikers, so there are plenty of other people on the trail with you.  I’ve done this hike about 10 times but this was my first time alone.

As I was climbing, I was admiring the rocky, cacti and brush-filled landscape.  I also noticed how much greener everything appeared as a result of the recent rains.  There were grasses sprouting from rocks and cracks that were never there any other time I’ve hiked through the area.  It got me to thinking about when I lived in the Northeast and how much rain we would receive to maintain green landscapes and how we would water them to maintain that lush look.  I also thought about how unnatural that is.  

The more I compared living here to there, I realized how efficient the desert is at maintaining life without needing a lot from nature.  Our average annual rainfall is only 5.8” inches, yet you will see greenery and life within the mountains in July when temperatures average 107°F.  I then realized there is a lot the desert can teach us about life.  I'll share three of these things with you.

First, it teaches us to be exceedingly efficient with our efforts.  By this I mean the following:  do not expend more energy on something than what is required, do not let others drain your energy from you and enlist others to help you when you don’t have enough energy to do something on your own.  

Secondly, it teaches us not to take more than we need.  Whether it’s income, food, alcohol, exercise, sex or sleep we should be careful not to over indulge ourselves.  We will eventually get to a point where we’ll demand more than what we need when what we require is a re-evaluation of how much we really need.  When we become demanding, we aren’t very likable.  

The third thing the desert can teach us about life is once you have what you need, allot how much you will share with others who are truly in need.  Nature has a way of creating a very beautiful circle of giving and receiving between plants and animals.  A seed carried from one bird can create a new garden miles away.  Be sure that you share who you are and what you know with others.  You’ll find if you’re not greedy and give freely, people will give freely back to you.  Take this little life lesson from nature.

Stopping Your Revolving Door

I hear this a lot from both friends and clients when they’re telling me about an unfortunate situation, “This always happens to me.”  

Why does a situation always happen to someone?  Do they just have bad luck?  Is the world out to get them?  Is there any chance this can be stopped?

Everyone has a difference of opinion on this but I will say that a repeating pattern in your life is the result of you and the circumstances you attract.  You either continue to surround yourself with the people or situations which create the reoccurring event, or react to a behavior in the same manner every time.  You’re bound to end with the same result and question of “why does this keep happening to me?”

I’ll make this really simple.  If I desire a salad for lunch but instead I buy bread, peanut butter and jelly, I’m pretty likely to end up with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of a salad, right?   Our revolving patterns are the same thing!   We ultimately choose what we want.  We have to obtain the tools to create what it is we want.

To make this a bit more life-like, I’ll use an example.  Let’s say when I am hurt by what someone said, I want to listen, talk calmly and express my feelings in a very deliberate, caring way.  However, when I become hurt maybe I walk out of a room at the sound of conflict or shout to get my point across.   I’m choosing to make that PB&J when I really wanted the salad.  Over time, it not only gets tiring for those I'm in conflict with but I get tired of it, too.  When we’re just not sure how to stop falling into the same habits and patterns, we need a nudge out of them.  Some of us are able to do this on our own and some of us just need a little guidance and support to change revolving patterns.

Following Up on My Facebook Post

I posted yesterday that it is said, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.”  This leaves many people longing to be tough but is being tough the answer?  I promised to write about this.

Here I am writing a piece about what I believe this phrase means.  Let’s just break this down.  First, I'll discuss the “when the going gets tough” portion.  Unfortunately, more and more people have been finding themselves in a tougher position in the past few years.  I have friends who were laid off over a year ago and not working and others more recently who are trying to find a job.  People who are still working have been put in tougher positions by working more jobs at once, being paid the same, if not less than they were hired for.  People are stressed out because they’re overworked, afraid to take vacation and spend more of their free time trying to catch up from not being home.  Others are stressed because they’re unemployed, trying to find work but no one wants to pay anything for anyone anymore and they end up hopeless (read my piece on how to become hopeful) or worse, depressed.  So, the going has gotten tough according to this popular phrase but who are the tough, where are they going and how are they getting there?

I feel the use of the word “tough” is a bit of a misnomer.  This could mean so many different things to different people.  Tough could be described as big and strong to one person,  mean and violent to another or even strong-willed from someone else’s perspective.  So, which is it?  Using my example of needing to find employment, being big, strong, mean or violent will not get you a job.  Being strong-willed may get you a job but it’s no guarantee.  So now what?  You’re not considered tough?

I believe what the toughness in this phrase is referring to is the resiliency and resourcefulness people exhibit in hard times.  When people can handle a tough time without massive stress and allow stress to help them through the tough time, that is real toughness.  I’ve witnessed this and I’ll provide an example.  

Two people get laid off.  

One completely melts down, can’t believed it happened, is at a loss on what to do next, isn’t sure where to look for work and if he should.  He talks to some people he knows about work but no one he knows is hiring.  He sends some resumes out and doesn’t hear anything.  He spends his days watching TV, stressing out, drinking a little more than usual and worrying about how he’s going to pay his bills.  He and his girlfriend move in together because it seems like the right thing to do in order to cut costs.  He feels like a total loser and just wishes things get better soon.

The other man is initially upset and shaken that this has happened to him.  He knows many other people who have been laid off (and rehired) and reaches out to them to discuss how they coped with and recovered from the situation.  He joins a social group to fill some of his free time and network.  He also moves his gym time to the morning since he doesn’t have to rush off to work and also to connect with a new group of people who may be working out before work.  He spends his free time reading business publications and researching tips on how to land a job in the current economy.  He sends out resumes, follows up and gets a few interviews.  Every bill that comes in motivates him to get off of unemployment insurance.  He knows he will land a new job, it’s just a matter of when.

It’s quite obvious which of these two men is demonstrating resiliency and being resourceful in the stress of being laid off.  It’s also easy to fall into either pattern.  I know both people. The one’s who behave like the second man are now working.  The one’s who act like the first guy are still unemployed trying to figure out what they could do.  They’re not losers and it’s not that they lack toughness, they’re just unsure what to do in their current situation.

When the going gets tough in your life, will the resilient and resourceful part of you get going?

Coaching Works! I've Been in Your Shoes...

It's easy for someone to say something works because it's what they do for a living.  One reason I was able to become a life coach was based on the fact that I had success in being coached myself!  I was about 23 when I met with Miriam Drake in St. Louis for coaching.  At the surface level, I wasn't sure what career I wanted to pursue.  In reality,  I knew what I wanted to do but I was just unsure about how to land the job with no direct experience.  So, she coached me through my career options and provided me with some advice and contacts to get me started.  Using the skills gained through coaching, I landed my first ad industry job in Chicago.  From there, I applied the same skills to find jobs in Manhattan and Los Angeles.  Ten years later, I can tell you that if it weren't for my successful coaching experience, I couldn't be here now saying that it's truly quicker, easier and less stressful than trying to do it all on your own.

Having a coaching practice now, being thanked by your clients week after week is truly special, but what makes it worthwhile for me is knowing my clients are creating long-term benefits and skills from our time together.

Hear Your Fear

It is common to hear people talk about what they’d like to do.  Whether it’s about finding the right job after unemployment, being able to do 20 push-ups at once, move to a new city or ending an unhealthy relationship, all of these things require a commitment.  Within each new commitment we make, we naturally have fears associated with them such as:  “There is too much competition, I am too weak, I’ll be far from my family, I don’t want to be alone.”

These are all legitimate reasons in your mind but reasoning keep you from what you want in life?  Even if you have multiple reasons, it’s likely they all stem from a similar fear within yourself.  

Fears are nasty little hinderances.  They can come from so many different places, too.  Some people may believe they come from a past life, a childhood incident or a major trauma.  Last week I finished reading, The Instinct to Heal by Dr. David Servan-Shreiber and he discussed something quite interesting that many of us don’t think about.  In our daily lives, we hear about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and many of us think this is only relevant to people who have endured a major catastrophe such as 9/11, a serious accident or witnessing some horrid event.  What he goes on to discuss, which I find to be far more interesting, is that all of us live through what he calls “small t” traumas.  These are traumas that aren’t life-threatening but do prohibit us from moving forward in life.  It’s that time you were made fun by your classmates when you got a word wrong reading aloud, a comment your parents made to you about your aptitude as an artist, a significant other who shunned your attempt at a sport, or harsh comments from a boss or co-worker, etc.  These “small t’s” hurt us.  We can read self-help books on how we should feel and deal with these issues but until we face the fears engrained in our brains from small t traumas, we will not be able to progress through our life.  These fears will hold us back.  

Hear your fears and understand the root cause of them.  I can help you do this through coaching and have been trained in very effective techniques which can help eliminate it for good!  

I'm offering a free 30-minute session for the remainder of January!  Sessions can be done by phone, video chat, or in person. Whatever is most convenient.

Dealing with the Plight of Today's Workforce...Before it's Too Late

A study released today by The Conference Board indicates only “45% of respondents are satisfied with their jobs...a sharp decline from 1987, when 61.1% indicated they were satisfied.”  The director of The Conference Board goes on to state a concern for those who are working; that they will continue to grow increasingly unhappy, leading to low productivity.  I believe this is highly probable, if not already happening all around the country.  Productivity and morale will continue to decline as long as people in the workforce evaluate their situation. 

There are far fewer people working to do the jobs of multiple people who have been laid off or if someone did leave willfully, their position was not refilled.  Increased stress, ‘survivor syndrome’, longer working hours, less social time and fun both in and out of the office, combined with less pay and unpaid time off as a “reward” for staying employed would make any individual feel unappreciated, exhausted, stressed and unsatisfied with their job.  I would know.  I've been there and saw it happen as my colleagues felt those who were laid off were luckier than the rest of us who were "stuck" working.

Employers need to realize that the negative position they are trying to avoid by cutting pay, making people work longer, etc. is the actually putting their employees in the exact negative position they wanted to avoid from the start.  If you’re a business owner unsure of what to do to keep your employees smiling and grateful instead of tired and spiteful, or an employee who wants to deal with your stress in a positive way, nudge is here to help.

Managing Your But Before it Gets Too Big

This is not a post on the derrière!  This is regarding a timeless issue I hear often, and heard again this morning by the woman filing my business license.  “My daughter really wants to be a cop but I don’t want her to be.  She has such a great business sense, she should do that instead.”  She went on to talk about how her daughter, who is currently in high school, has raised over $6,000 for herself just by making and selling items out of her trunk.  She makes salsa and cookies to sell, while also selling soda and chips to her classmates since they’re no longer available in school.  I haven’t met her daughter and I probably never will, but I wonder if this teen is feeling that her hobbies cannot be her career.  This is a common feeling most of us have or will experience throughout our life.  “Well, I just love to bake, cook,    give piano lessons, travel, write, etc...” but  “I have to make a living, I have a family to support, I'm too old, no one will buy my work, etc."

Think about the things you long to do and write them down under a heading we’ll just call “dreams” for now.  Then, for each item, write “but” down next to it and then list what is prohibiting you.  You should be able to count the number of dreams relative to the number of buts.

Is your but bigger than your dreams?  It shouldn't be.





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Set a Successful Resolution Before the New Year

I have never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. I guess this is because most people don't keep them and I like to see people progress. In fact, 80% of resolutions aren't even followed by January 31st. "What prohibits people like me from maintaining a resolution?" you may ask. It could be a few things such as:

Your resolution is not specific. "I'm going to work out more" is not a specific goal if you're desiring to be in shape for spring break, yet you only going to start hitting the gym January 4th and spring break vacation is in March. Breaking down this resolution into a few easy steps can really keep you on track. For example: "I'm going to go to the gym at least four days a week and drink protein shakes instead of weeknight beers to get in shape for my spring break trip" is a more specific goal to set for yourself.

You're resolution isn't attainable and you know it. "I'm going to work out more" isn't attainable if you don't have a gym membership or know you're going to be working long hours the next few months, which will prohibit you from working out. You're blocking yourself from success because as you know, we're our own worst enemy. Discovering ways you can work out more regardless of your situation and uncovering your motivations for why you want to work out more can help you achieve your resolution.

Making sure your resolution is on a timeline, that your resolution can be monitored and is focused on an outcome are other keys to a successful resolution.

Nudge coaching can help you set and achieve your resolutions (and more!) throughout 2010.

Getting Prepared this Holiday Season: Excess isn't Progress

The holiday season officially starts with Thanksgiving. How can you overcome the stress?

Let's start with Thanksgiving and as the holidays progress, more helpful hints will become available. The stress first starts with the prototypical over-indulging on Thanksgiving Day. For many, this is a day of gluttony rather than being a day of thanks. As cooks stress over creating the perfect dinner, the rest of the family eagerly awaits the time to eat; laying around watching football while the bird cooks. Once the meal is served, everyone digs in and eats to the point of overeating. They may or may not give thanks but surely complain about how stuffed they are.

This is not in line with the holiday tradition of being thankful for what you have, regardless of how big your turkey is, if you have turkey at all! This Thanksgiving, whether you state your thanks to a group or just to yourself, be thankful for anything and everything you want to be thankful for. It could be as simple as the sweater you’re wearing, not overeating, or simply being thankful that you’re healthy or have the ability to see yourself in the mirror. Be thankful for all things in your life that bring you joy and you’ll feel like you’re celebrating the spirit of Thanksgiving when you're not discussing how much food you ate when you return to work. If you’re having difficulty finding simplicity and serenity in the chaos of the holidays or are on a mission to maintain your weight as you attend all of the upcoming holiday parties, maybe you need to nudge yourself to success.