Pets are partners, too

Dealing with loss of any kind can be pretty traumatic.  For me right now, I'm dealing with the loss of one of my beloved cats, Max.  I grew up with cats and have lost them before but this loss has been far more painful for me, which is compounded by a few things.  One, I picked him and his brother out (more like, they picked me) almost 10 years ago.  Two, I learned that they were Maine Coones (if not pure bred, darn close) so they got to be gigantic and took up a lot of space on the couch, on the bed, on the counter, in the tub or wherever else they decided to visit with my husband and I.                                                                              

He would greet me at the door if I'd been gone for one hour, one week or one month with the same cheerful trot and meow.  I'd proceed to ask him how he was, what he had been doing, if he saw birds, if he wanted a treat and I would get at least one, if not more meows in return to each question.  It has been the most difficult pet loss of all because Max and I kind of adopted each other as buddies, while the same happened with his brother Angelo and my husband.

This means that any time I was sick, sad, happy, excited, lonely sleepy and everything in between, Max was there for me.  I was also there for him through vet visits, moves, and hair cuts until the last few weeks of his life, while his health declined rapidly due to a tumor in his intestinal tract.  My husband had to fill in for me during the week while I worked in Los Angeles and came home to see his health failing him on the weekends.  I wanted so badly to be here with him and every night on the phone, he would meow to me to let me know he was still here.

When I returned this past weekend, he looked a bit worse.  After my first day being here, his health declined to the point where I hurt just looking at him try to walk, eat and get comfortable while he occupied his favorite place on the patio.  His once 15-pound body had vanished into eight pounds of pained silent meows and glossed eyes.  He attempted to purr as I held him longer than I was ever allowed to in his life (see photo of his angry face as I held him a few years back).  The tumor occupying his belly wasn't allowing him to obtain nutrients but his calm demeanor allowed him to obtain all of the love and affection I was bestowing on him.

My husband and I took him into the vet to discuss having them board him while we took a pre-planned overnight trip, so they could give him his medicines.   We would instead be told he was so ill they didn't think he would make it through our trip, let alone through the night.  Needless to say, Max left us that day and it was the most pain I've felt in a really long time.  I lost one of my babies.  I'm a cat mom and felt a part of me left when he did.  A day hasn't gone by since without crying and wondering if his brother will enjoy being the only meow of the house.  I hope Angelo chooses to stay with us for many years to come because I need him to be my buddy now and meow back when I talk to him.

How you treat Earth is a reflection of you

The attached blog talks about why one should treat the environment well and the first reason is that it’s a reflection of your personality.  Here are some things your behavior could be saying.  This is only just to get you thinking.

Do you litter?  Think recycling is stupid?  Stick your gum anywhere but the garbage?  These may signify immaturity, rebelliousness and maybe also laziness.  Not taking time to separate your trash, or walk items to the trash shows you’re either expecting someone else to pick up after you or don’t care what others think.  Not caring about the place you live is unattractive because it ultimately says you don’t care about anyone but yourself.

Do you keep the water on while brushing your teeth?  Hose down your walkway instead of sweeping it?  These may signify disregard for the needs of others or a lack of self-importance.  Thinking that anything you do to help the environment really won’t help is an incorrect assumption.  We are only one person but we can have a huge impact on life and the world.  Think about the life of Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King, Jr. as just two of many examples of a single person doing something far greater than themselves.  Don’t think only about how it impacts you right now but think about how it could impact everyone around you, your children, your nieces and nephews one day when they’re having children of their own.  Water is a precious resource that needs to be treated as such.

Basically, love and respect Earth in a manner in which you’d want to be treated.  Not just today but every day.

Managing cooperation

I’m often asked about the issue of control.  I think it’s because there is a point where we as individuals want to be seen as cooperative and courteous but we wrestle with how much is too much.  My first instinct on this is one can’t be too cooperative or courteous in life.  Just imagine how more pleasant life would be if people were cooperative and courteous a wee bit more often (e.g. the person with 15 items in front of you at the grocery store offers that you go first because you only have two).

What I think people really mean when it comes to issues of control is how much does one person need to give before they feel like they’re getting enough in return.  This varies for each person and for each situation.  Here are a few ways to tell if cooperation is truly valued by the other party and when to move on.

Move on if: 

The person with whom you’ve been cooperative with is never cooperative in return.  That’s a gimme.  Result:  This person is selfish and only wants their way.  Don’t let them have it by giving them what they want.

A person you try to cooperate with changes their mind frequently.  They are not able to commit to what they say.  Result:  You’ll spend up more time than necessary trying to make sense of what they want when they themselves may not even be sure.

Cooperation leads to conflict.  This can happen if either party is finding that the cooperative deal is unfair in some way.  If the conflicted party is unable to see nothing but the negative in it for themselves, it is time to move on.  Result:  They are caught up in the negative and possibly, only their side of the issue.  However, this can be salvageable when someone is willing to see both sides of the conflict, not just their own.

You know cooperation is valued when:

You’re happy around the person you’re cooperating with.  When you don’t feel like running or feel a “pit” in your stomach at the site of them, it’s a pretty good sign your cooperative efforts are working.

You cooperate more often with someone you’ve cooperated with in the past.  It’s a bit of a snowball effect.  Once you have a good, cooperative relationship it only makes your future cooperating together more successful.

You try to cooperate with others but it’s “just not the same”.  That really great cooperative relationship has set the standard for all of your cooperative efforts moving forward.  Your standards may be higher but that doesn’t mean they’re all going to work in the exact same manner.  Cut your other cooperative efforts some slack so they have a chance to also grow into really great cooperative efforts.

The person you cooperate with lets you take over when they’re unavailable.  Whether it’s as simple as putting the finishing touches on a presentation at work or letting your significant other tackle the grocery list without questioning their purchases, being put in charge signifies that person’s trust in you.

So, cooperation can lead to being more controlling when someone is not willing to see the other perspective and always feels their way is the right way.  If they can’t stand firm on their role and every interaction results in conflict make a break and move on.  You’ll find your next cooperative effort to be more rewarding and successful.