4.22.2010

How you treat Earth is a reflection of you


The attached blog talks about why one should treat the environment well and the first reason is that it’s a reflection of your personality.  Here are some things your behavior could be saying.  This is only just to get you thinking.
Do you litter?  Think recycling is stupid?  Stick your gum anywhere but the garbage?  These may signify immaturity, rebelliousness and maybe also laziness.  Not taking time to separate your trash, or walk items to the trash shows you’re either expecting someone else to pick up after you or don’t care what others think.  Not caring about the place you live is unattractive because it ultimately says you don’t care about anyone but yourself.
Do you keep the water on while brushing your teeth?  Hose down your walkway instead of sweeping it?  These may signify disregard for the needs of others or a lack of self-importance.  Thinking that anything you do to help the environment really won’t help is an incorrect assumption.  We are only one person but we can have a huge impact on life and the world.  Think about the life of Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King, Jr. as just two of many examples of a single person doing something far greater than themselves.  Don’t think only about how it impacts you right now but think about how it could impact everyone around you, your children, your nieces and nephews one day when they’re having children of their own.  Water is a precious resource that needs to be treated as such.
Basically, love and respect Earth in a manner in which you’d want to be treated.  Not just today but every day.

4.19.2010

Managing cooperation

I’m often asked about the issue of control.  I think it’s because there is a point where we as individuals want to be seen as cooperative and courteous but we wrestle with how much is too much.  My first instinct on this is one can’t be too cooperative or courteous in life.  Just imagine how more pleasant life would be if people were cooperative and courteous a wee bit more often (e.g. the person with 15 items in front of you at the grocery store offers that you go first because you only have two).
What I think people really mean when it comes to issues of control is how much does one person need to give before they feel like they’re getting enough in return.  This varies for each person and for each situation.  Here are a few ways to tell if cooperation is truly valued by the other party and when to move on.
Move on if: 
The person with whom you’ve been cooperative with is never cooperative in return.  That’s a gimme.  Result:  This person is selfish and only wants their way.  Don’t let them have it by giving them what they want.
A person you try to cooperate with changes their mind frequently.  They are not able to commit to what they say.  Result:  You’ll spend up more time than necessary trying to make sense of what they want when they themselves may not even be sure.
Cooperation leads to conflict.  This can happen if either party is finding that the cooperative deal is unfair in some way.  If the conflicted party is unable to see nothing but the negative in it for themselves, it is time to move on.  Result:  They are caught up in the negative and possibly, only their side of the issue.  However, this can be salvageable when someone is willing to see both sides of the conflict, not just their own.
You know cooperation is valued when:
You’re happy around the person you’re cooperating with.  When you don’t feel like running or feel a “pit” in your stomach at the site of them, it’s a pretty good sign your cooperative efforts are working.
You cooperate more often with someone you’ve cooperated with in the past.  It’s a bit of a snowball effect.  Once you have a good, cooperative relationship it only makes your future cooperating together more successful.
You try to cooperate with others but it’s “just not the same”.  That really great cooperative relationship has set the standard for all of your cooperative efforts moving forward.  Your standards may be higher but that doesn’t mean they’re all going to work in the exact same manner.  Cut your other cooperative efforts some slack so they have a chance to also grow into really great cooperative efforts.
The person you cooperate with lets you take over when they’re unavailable.  Whether it’s as simple as putting the finishing touches on a presentation at work or letting your significant other tackle the grocery list without questioning their purchases, being put in charge signifies that person’s trust in you.
So, cooperation can lead to being more controlling when someone is not willing to see the other perspective and always feels their way is the right way.  If they can’t stand firm on their role and every interaction results in conflict make a break and move on.  You’ll find your next cooperative effort to be more rewarding and successful.

4.12.2010

Redefining Relationship Roles

I’m reading a really great book entitled “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat, Pray, Love,” which I still haven’t read.  I chose to read her latest book because it deals with her apprehension with getting married a second time.  It’s a great read for anyone who wants to be married or is married for the first, second, third or umpteenth time.  Many of the lessons she imparts are certainly ones I’ve learned in my soon-to-be 10 years of marriage but I believe many of these things are not taught or passed on from others who have happy marriages.  I also think people hide behind the facade of a happy marriage when something drastic is really missing from it.  I highly suggest this read for anyone who wants to understand where their marriage is, has gone wrong or to prevent any misfortune including divorce.  It also gives a nice perspective on how devastating divorce is and reminded me of a previously referenced article on how it’s not all that great for the parties involved.  
I have found it has helped me articulate my own changing definition of marriage and the relationship I maintain with it and how it influences the relationship with my husband.  I certainly do not define it in the same way as I did when I got married and even as recently as a few months ago.  What has stuck with me most of all is something that I had already had conversations about in the past:  marriage, until quite recently, has never been something we choose out of love.  It was often something that chose us due to our familial affiliation, cultural role or functional purpose due to our gender.  
To ask of our spouse to be our confidant, our best friend, our lover, our love and our partner in life is a big responsibility for any one person to live up to.  It is no wonder divorce has prevailed in half of all marriages.  Many of us married under incorrect assumptions of what our marriage should be.  I’m not saying marriage becomes this cold, loveless union but quite the opposite.  It becomes a loving, tender, caring, supportive bond with another individual.   One should consider what love is versus what being in love is.  Love is caring for someone when illness steals away any memories of your spouse knowing who you are.  Love is carrying a frail body from the bathtub to the bed.  Love is reteaching someone to walk or to talk.  It is always supporting, always loving (without conditions) and always being willing to give up some prideful ego in the process.  Love transcends time, location, age, race, sexual orientation and human error.  So when two people marry, somehow they mistake being “in love” as love and when that fades (which it will), they think they can’t be married any longer.  This is why gay marriage is no different than straight marriage.  Marriage has nothing to do with religion, making babies or being in love but it has everything to do with partnership and love.
 
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