Experience Keeping the Merry in Marriage Part One: During the holidays

The holidays are always a stressful time for many couples, whether you’re married or not.  It starts with “where do we go first?” or “which family do we visit this year?”  It’s a monetary and physical strain when you find yourself packing up into a car or plane to your destination.  Gifts wrapped and sent?  Check.  Packed clothing for the colder/warmer weather?  Check.  Pet sitter?  Check.  Holiday cards sent?  Check.  House secure and neighbors notified?  Check.  Thermostat?  Timers?  Alarm?  Old food discarded?  Check, check, check, check.  There’s a lot of stress in leaving for the holidays before you even go anywhere!

You find yourself fighting crowds while trying to relax so you can prepare to spend the holidays busy with family.  You’re also trying to rest up and recharge in order to return to work refreshed and avoid getting the seasonal cold or worse, a flu.  How can this all be possible?  I think about the many times my family would see me and my mom would say, “You (or your husband) look so tired.”  Of course we did!  We just drove 14 hours to get  here, or got up at 4:00 a.m. to be at the airport and we’ve been working like mad just one day before getting here.  So, we started to look at the amount of “stress induced” versus the “stress reduced”.

This is why my husband and I stopped traveling for holidays.  We found it was draining the same energy we were trying to recharge while away from work.  We love our families but after the total cost, even when frequent flier miles could be used, the stress of taking care of all of the details, in addition to having to rush home to get set for work again was far more draining than satisfying.  

We have never been believers in using one day of the year to celebrate anything, be it a birthday, an anniversary, or a holi-day.  It just doesn’t make financial sense for us to pay to add an extra layer of stress into our lives.  We agreed to discontinue on a path that wasn’t making us feel satisfied, when it was supposed to.  We’ve come to spend most of the major holidays with friends and try not to travel for more than one holiday or occasion per year.   Just yesterday, we debating driving 33 hours or so to family for Christmas.  Using the rule of “stress induced” versus “stress reduced” made us realize staying home this year is just fine.  

Many people are rushing around during the holidays but if you’re finding less than satisfactory fulfillment in your life during this time, take some time to think about why.