We are taught many skills for dealing with what happens throughout our childhood but we are truly left to fend for ourselves to deal with what happens as adults. We can modify some of the life lessons we learned in our youth, such as “looking both ways before crossing” as a metaphor for weighing the pros and cons in our life. Unfortunately, we’re never taught how to deal with anything in our life that has negative effects after we cross the street.
We learn there is no best way to deal with consequences but to trudge through them, pretend they never happened, face them head on, allow them to rule our life, pray for help or some other mechanism for dealing with them as they occur. I have always readily expressed my emotions, both positive and negative and often see others struggle to do the same. Is it that I’m better equipped with tools from my childhood that I’ve been able to translate as an adult? Maybe. What I think it could be, as it is for many people, is a fear of facing the fear that manifests these emotions. When we don’t deal with with them, they burn into our being and they’re hard to remove, like a burnt part of a dish.
We learn there is no best way to deal with consequences but to trudge through them, pretend they never happened, face them head on, allow them to rule our life, pray for help or some other mechanism for dealing with them as they occur. I have always readily expressed my emotions, both positive and negative and often see others struggle to do the same. Is it that I’m better equipped with tools from my childhood that I’ve been able to translate as an adult? Maybe. What I think it could be, as it is for many people, is a fear of facing the fear that manifests these emotions. When we don’t deal with with them, they burn into our being and they’re hard to remove, like a burnt part of a dish.
My husband and I cook dinner almost every day. We’re both readjusting to cooking again on an electric stove and sometimes, a dish will get a little burnt or not cook through enough. The best way to treat these experiences, we’ve learned, is to just admit “this really just sucks,” laugh about it, and readjust how we cook each meal.
Anger is a great example of a burnt dish. It is easier to be mad at someone and to be SO mad, you cut them out of your life. You get mad every time you think about them and that anger just makes you mad! Think about this. Are you really coping with the anger you originally had towards this person or are you just covering it up and hopes it just all goes away? It’s a lot like burning a dish in the oven and then putting a lot of gravy on top to cover it up before your serve it. Covering a problem or feeling does not make it go away. You only temporarily forget those burnt pieces until you either taste them or make that dish again, while reminded of how bad you burned it the last time.
One suggestion for how to deal with a burnt dish in your life is to toss the dish out. Yes, if you’re angry with someone just face the fact you’re angry, state why you’re angry and move on to remake that dish or find something completely new to make instead. Don’t force people to eat your mistakes and don’t be upset when people don’t want to eat them.
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