Now that I have my own company and am engaged in my own social media, I receive requests to connect from people whom I’ve never met. If we have common friends/colleagues, I’ll accept but sometimes I receive a request from people with whom I have no connection whatsoever. I just received one from a man who told me that he has given up on relationships. I encouraged him to become a fan of my page and/or to subscribe to www.bouncebacktolife.com since it could help his heartache and is also a place where I may be able to communicate with him.
It was 5:00 a.m. when I received this note. I don’t know where this man lives but I know he’s in his late 30’s. As I was working I started to wonder, “What has this man gone through to completely throw in the towel on having a relationship?”
I’ve just started reading a book on the relationship of self to love, and love to relationships. It’s highly spiritual and just writing those words does not give those words the justice they deserve. In the end, if you’ve truly given yourself the freedom to let go of your ego, self is love and no actions are performed by self without love. To not love is to not be human. So, is this man incapable of being in touch with his self and ultimately love and therefore not human?
I’ll bring this outside of the context of the book to try to make some sense of it all because it is an uncommon concept to grasp. When pain is received (intentional or not) by someone we love, it sticks with us by becoming a wound within us. We can choose to heal that wound or let it scar us for life. Whether it is something major like a parent who left when we were a child, a sibling who passed, or something a bit less severe like a teacher who ridiculed us or a lover who put us down doesn’t matter. These were all people we cared for and they hurt us. When you heal the wounds through whatever means work for you, I know and have experienced that when you think of those times when you used to hurt, you will no longer feel the pain.
However, many people hold on to the pain throughout their lives. Think of your spirit, your heart, your soul or whatever you want to call it as a beautiful glass vase that is meant to be filled with water, a symbol for love in this analogy. So each pain you receive becomes a crack in that vase. Maybe some of the water starts to leak onto the surface it’s sitting on. Maybe you notice this and repair the crack or you let a little water leak because “it’s not that much anyway”. As life goes on, your vase cracks in another spot, and another and pretty soon, if you don’t do something to repair these cracks this vase will shatter. All of the water contained within will spill all over the floor.
I think that is what has happened to this stranger. He’s let his vase shatter and now he’s trying to hold on to what little water is left in it’s base. It is our own responsibility to repair our own cracks in our spirit, to retain the love that was given to each of us when we were brought into this world and to let the love that is bestowed upon us to be collected. I can only hope he still believes in the love he has left within himself to repair his pain and truly find his happiness. For without this, he will not be able to have the relationships he so desires.
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